isolation spreads like bad karma

I came back from Italy last week and immediately became immersed in college work, in fact, I ended up letting my group mates down, while I was in Italy, they were preparing a presentation and although we emailed back and fourth, they told me that they were going to split it up into 3 and I could just enjoy my holiday.

This was very kind of them, but also it made me feel very unconfortable. Because I don't like social loafing and I like to do my bit, Anyway the day I came back was a wednesday and I was tired and obviously wanted to spend time with my boyfriend and basically completely forgot about the presentation then just as we were about to go to bed, I text one of my group mates and asked were they meeting on Thursday (The presentation was on Friday)

I woke up at 10am and they told me "yep were meeting up at 11 but you don't have to come if you don't want to because you live so far away......." I really should of gone in.. but I hadn't seen my boyfriend for so long and he persuaded me to skip college for one day.

But on Friday, I felt so sorry, I hadn't seen the presentation, I didn't give any input it was just a totally embarassing experience I said sorry everytime i saw them. But in the end sorry doesn't mean anything. I didn't do anything. So of course I should be ashamed. Even today one week later, I still feel embarassed when I see them and can hardly engage in conversation with them. Although they said its fine... I still feel its not.

Then today I encountered another unconfortable situation today, not neccessarily regarding a presentation, so far this week i have had lunch with my friend Nancy and she was the one who even asked me. During the class breaks she often asks me do you want to go get water with me? and generally I say sure. Then today she did the same thing.

We went to the canteen and got our water and sat down and started chating, then one chinese girl from our class came over and I straight away said oh why don't you sit down. but I guess she was sitting somewhere else with other chinese students. Then another Chinese girl sat near us and talked to Nancy obviously in Chinese and then after she finished talking she said oh lets go back to class. Then whilst we walked back she said something that made me feel really unconfortable and out of place.

She said mmm Its wierd, I feel a bit isolated I should talk more with those chinese classmates, but I haven't been doing that to much because I have been spending lots of time with you.. then class began

Its nearly lunch time now and I feel a bit hurt, maybe I shouldn't but I don't know how to interpret it and not take offense.Now i feel isolated...

Lazy me!

Guess where I am going to be spending Summer this year?

Portugal or Spain?

Camping in France? would you believe I have never truly been camping before, Apparently it's too low end for my parents. They want guaranteed sun and absolutely no risk of rain. Perhaps some day me and my boyfriend will go proper camping with a camp fire, toasted marshmallows and a tent and sleeping bags and blow up camping beds.

Sailing around Europe?

None of the above, I will be attending summer school, for the first time in my life, well thats not entirely true, when I was in my final year in Secondary school my Parents (Mom) sent me to some intensive 2 week Irish courses and 2 week french courses during the summer. But I was still able to go on holidays somewhere even if it was just to England or Wexford in Ireland.

But this summer school is self inflicted, I was given the option to choose the colossal thesis or to do Summer School, and I opted for the easier of the two.

Well I didn't just opt for the Summer School because I am lazy but also because I wanted to get to see my friends during the summer, and the vast majority of my college friends are doing Summer School,

Secondly I didn't like the idea of being left to my own devices to do a whole 100 page+ project on my own, with no input from anyone. If it had of been a disertation which involves a group of 5 doing a thesis style project I may have considered it.

Thirdly the lecturer who is supposed to be the Thesis is a terribly intimadating lecturer and although she appeared to like me during some classes at other times I really disliked her class, she always used to put me on the spot. Like suddenly throw a question at me without me putting my hand up. Then making me feel embarassed/

Fourthly I think having 4 months to do a project would make me put it on the long finger and keep saying ah I have plenty of time.... then in the end I would be rushing like mad. I like deadlines.

Anyway today the Module registration for Summer school began today and it seems like we have 8 options.

1. Inovation Networks.
2. Cross Cultural Management
3. Technology Management and Inovation
4. Organisation renewal
5. Managing of Banking Institution
6. WEGE (World Enterprises,Globalisation, Europeanisation,)
7. Corporate Governance
8. Managing Learning in an Organisation

So far I am thinking of the pink ones. But I can change anytime before the summer term starts.

{Has anybody reading this done a thesis? and would you recommend it? Am I lazy?]